life as an insane soldier

[zarathustra]

i am going to give you my brief history of entry into army and my full career, i hope you can begin to see where i come from, as i know a number of unique events took place upon my entry, i know everybody else in my school applied at least a year before me, most of them two or three years before me, from them only one was sent to sutton coldfield [he was joining navy commandos though, so a specialised unit which required fitness testing], i was sent and made space for me to go on the final day, or penultimate day sutton coldfield was used as a pre-entry cadre.

october 31st 1989 i turn sixteen and signed up for the army, i waited till i was sixteen so my parents had no say in the matter, i took my initial entry tests the following week [i conveniently made sure this would take a couple days off school for me], a further week and i return for my results to find the army now wants to talk to my parents, they explained they needed my parents because i should have signed up at least one year earlier to gain entry into the earliest troops, being 4th july for junior leaders regiment royal engineers in dover, and also to get me into the final pre-entry cadre in January or February 1990, i must hasten to add, while i may demonstrate wisdom today, back in those days i was a typical ignorant young boy, i had ideals of death in battle to solve the riddle of why everybody else wanted to be a robot, i also learned i was a true born bastard and i blamed me for that too.

i pass my pre-entry cadre with flying colours, fitness i came in the top five overall, and i was the only child there [now i ponder, was sutton coldfield for junior soldiers, as i was the only one there?], so from here i attend an open day in dover before i take my first day on july 4th 1990, the day england lost to germany in the world cup semi finals on penalties, why didn’t i take this as an omen to get out i will never know, but i am pleased what i have become, even if many of you think me insane, i think your all insane for playing monopoly when you’re supposed to be living your lives.

july i join JLRRE dover, during the first weeks training i am dragged out for a CO’s interview, the CO concludes that it is in my best interest to move to the army apprentices college chepstow, and what trade would i like to learn, i chose design draughtsman [architectural type (buildings)] i was not given the choice of staying at dover to complete my training, so i complete my basic training and go home for a week, i return for one week before i am pulled out of my troop as they head out on an exercise [trenching so i was relieved], i join another eleven or twelve soldiers from my intake and head to chepstow, again the army takes up a whole new fight against breaking raw recruits.

when we arrived in chepstow, all soldiers who chose trades covered by my squadron were victimised simply for joining at dover then moving to chepstow, i do not know if this was a test on my mental capacities, as i was the only soldier who ignored all the bullying, the NCO’s managed to turn the entire squadrons against those of us who came from dover, i do not know if this was due to the insistent whining the other soldiers did about wanting to go back to dover, in the end i believe nine or ten of the soldiers returned to dover, i was the only one left who received victimisation for joining the army earlier than chepstow and it continued my entire two years there, so i endured two years of punishments simply because i joined up and went to dover before i was sent to chepstow, and Robespierre thinks as an adult i can’t handle sky tv in a warm prison without any physical beastings?, i laugh at him for his ignorance.

still in my first year at chepstow, i was pulled out for another CO’s interview, this time i was to be marked up for sandhurst [i think it important to note, my entry examination was shite, i only scored seventy eight to eighty five percent an officer was another five or more percent over my score, and i did notice this when i joined up], so this startled me, i was being offered something i had not qualified for, so at christmas i ran over a few cars drunk and gained a criminal damage charge [which i paid promptly as i had caused public damage i was still a juvenile and was charged as an adult, again nice to notice i was special], this then freed me from immediately being sent to sandhurst, but i later found out, i was marked up on my personal file for officer training, but i managed to alter that in due course.

i completed my two year mental torture with regular guard duties [oh and i decided to not complete my final exams, so i graded class three not two], my insomnia came into work a treat, i decided to read fantasy, science fiction and historical novels like the sharp series by bernard cornwell as my escape from mental anguish, [i can now see most writers are philosophers or historians, you must read these novels as a child then read of reality as an adult and you will see, mostly philosophical], i now head off to gibralter barracks, blackwater, camberly to complete my combat engineer training [blowing stuff up and building bridges] whereby i received my first signs of pain from my hip dysplasia [this is a birth defect which should stop anybody gaining any physical work, as the implications upon the structure are severely damaging, hence it is a miracle i can still walk], when i reported sick, i was practically treated as a malingerer, my hip injury was reported a number of times in the army, never did they carry out a proper investigation and after several months i would meditate and ignore the pain to return to work, thinking i was a hypochondriac, this continued throughout my career.

when i returned to duties i completed my combat engineering course with bone jarring pain, i have never truly had a comfortable day since they ignored it, and realistically i have grounds to holding the army and medical professions in disrepute, i could sue for millions, but i am not interested in money, i am sent to iserlohn as the regimental draughtsman, to my knowledge, i was the only member of our six man draughtsman group to gain a draughtsman posting, i came 5th and failed the exam due to... well, lack of drawing and annotation, again why is the laziest draughtsman the only one with regimental draughtsman posting?

when at iserlohn around march 1993 i find i am left to my own devices, new to the army abroad and my own boss on day one, all the tortures i had endured were now rewarded as i was finally given breathing space to relax, all my duties were performed exceptionally though, i had grounds to hide away and i did, but if i had work i completed it before i slacked, and the regimental sergeant major recognised this and cut me some slack [i assumed back then because i was doing my duty, maybe it was, maybe it was because the army saw me as something else], iserlohn closed down a few years later, and in my time there i gained friendships with all walks of jobs, i could do favours for people and in return exact favours back, i enjoyed our trading systems and this was my first insight into the violations of capitalism and money, i managed to broker the ‘send to sandhurst’ file out of my personal file, so i was no longer ear marked for officer, but this did not stop the army having ideals of promoting me, as redundancies came in at the same time, i was asked to draft up a disbandment scroll for the sergeants mess, which i completed, but still hold all drafts, as it was never commissioned.

my scroll of disbandment was to be commissioned by the queen herself, she was travelling to iserlohn to see this camp closed own [she had visited no other disbanded camps, and i didn’t really want to meet her at that stage in my life for whatever reasons], so instead of gaining the queens signature on my scroll and a promotion to lance corporal, i opted to do another favour for records and managed to get myself posted out of there a little earlier, and so i went home on leave when the queen came to sign my scroll, i truly apologise to the sergeant major as he was keen for the scroll and i did like him a lot, he made me laugh when i should have been charged for drunk on parade, so in my books he was sound, and i regret the dishonour i served him avoiding the queen.

i was now sent to hameln, this posting was a last minute change, i was supposed to go to england, but i was the only soldier in that disbanded regiment, that got not a single one of his three choices, again another irregularity of my life which i no longer call coincidence.

at hameln i was a standard combat engineer troop sapper, i was the lowest of the low, the squadron and troop i was attached to was despicable, sixty percent of the troop were fucking wankers, and the rest lived in fear beneath them, strangely enough i do not know the meaning of fear when it is related to a group of men, i’ll take a kicking while pointing out a gang of men are never courageous they only demonstrate cowardism, this naturally pissed these children off, i created a wedge in that regiment, i stood against all these despicable beasts for the defence of the new recruits, initiations whereby a soldier was told to lick another’s balls, or to shove a broom shank up his arse and run around [my initiation was to drink a pint of mixed spirits and then take a beating, which i was then dusted off and taken out on the piss because i stood a test of mettle] were not natural for building an army meant to be courageous and united, so i created a division and received all the mental tortures and physical tortures in place of the young soldiers, much like i was back in chepstow, this time though i brought it to me in order to protect the other soldiers who they were forgetting in their rage aimed at me.

after a year we were involved in a drinking game in our lines, we decided to test the young recruits mettle, we had an old bike and a metal blast door for them to ride into, after a few attempts i got bored of them, and shouting my gob off i told them to keep peddling all the way to the door, i took the bike and demonstrated what i meant, with only a thirty yard run up i managed to put the bike and myself through the locked blast door, the door was a write off, i had ripped hinges and bent metal in my demonstration of courage, needless to say the regiment took a step back from me that day, their courage faltered and i was only mentally abused in absence, my bed space was regularly violated by these cowards.

so again i endured victimisation, but for a good cause this time, i endured this for three and a half years [i signed off after two and a half, so had one year to go] in that three and a half years, any young sapper new to germany that opted to go under my wing, was left alone from the homosexual antics of these pathetic cowards, when i was summoned down by these cowards they had to back each other up in a bravado display of he isn’t worth it mate, you have rank he is a sapper, basically a bunch of snivelling no good cowards who could only pick on young soldiers in a far away land, i laughed at them often and turned my back on them enough times for them to attack me, but always they lacked courage.

eventually in my final year i was kangaroo courted, i think they worked out if they could gain the full support of the troop i would offer no resistance to the beating, they did not harm me physically, but when they turned my own friends against me, it broke my heart, i signed off and decided the army was full of worthless scumbags and i could only hope they would meet with a violent and painful death to rebalance their despicable ways, it was christmas 1996 i signed off, and on the same night i went to a private party and got drunk, an officer gate crashed later and i shouted at him to fuck off, i was arrested and later the next year sentenced to two weeks in camp prison.

just before i signed off i reported sick again, this time i chose mental issues [i was safeguarding my life after i left the army, for those who do not know, in the british army you sign up for twenty two years, i am effectively still in the army until i’m forty years old, so three years remaining], i explained my problems with my hip and how nothing ever showed up, i mentioned the bullying i was collecting to protect younger soldiers, and i pointed out i couldn’t be arsed with this regiment so i wished for a P7 downgrading [P7 meant i was excused all duties and one step from a medical discharge, which was offered, but i do not like money as i often tell you, this is a phenomenon of my life not recent awakening] so i could pick and choose my activities in my final year, this came in useful when it came to my charge and sentence.

when i was sentenced to prison i was informed the colonel and adjutant had cleared it with the specialist at rinteln military hospital, anybody offering me information is a fool if they lie, i served one week in prison as i decided this was a fair punishment for my crime, then i stuck my head between my legs breathed heavily and passed out, when i came round i was sent to the medical centre and then onto rinteln, where i was finally permitted to ask if they had gained permission, which they hadn’t.

upon return to camp i was released from prison, but was expected to do one week of ROP’s, any soldier will tell you, prison and ROP’s are the same thing almost, ROP’s is a more physical and mental strain, while prison takes your money away for lesser stress but also lesser privileges, i went back to my room to prepare for the nights parade when i suddenly realised i disagreed with the adjutants appraisal, i went back to RHQ and shouted at him to get his cowardly arse outside and deal with me like a man [think about achilles in troy calling out hector, unlike hector, my RHQ was full of cowards], so i shouted a lot then went back to my room, after i failed to turn up for ROP’s the guard was sent to get me, they were smiling as they had obviously heard my shouting, i told them to go tell the adjutant and the rest of them where they could go, in glorious technicolour [profanity], i went with the guards to the entrance of RHQ a number of times, and each time i stood outside telling the snivelling coward if he had a problem with me that he should move his fat idle arse and knock on my door and ask me politely if i can be arsed to speak with him, again make that sentence worthy of ten or twenty minutes unbreathing continuation of profanity before i went back to my room.

eventually the guard corporal came over to escort me to the regimental sergeant major, the NCO had refused to soldier on and served one month in colchester for his troubles, he admired my courage, but was warning me of the dire consequences of my actions, i pointed out i didn’t care, these bastards fucked up and i intended on making them pay, he again admired my courage and took me to meet the RSM, i strolled in without waiting for entry permission and plonked myself on his desk and asked what’s up mate?, i have a problem with the officers of this camp, please do not get yourself involved as it will only get messy, [again i would be using profanity, see how i endeavour to be polite for you all? (doesn’t mean i want to live here yet though)] the RSM informed me i was to be detained for my own good, i laughed and said it is for your own good you mean, as i had intended on going home, and they couldn’t claim it was a.w.o.l, as all they had to do was stop me [which they had just done], when i was detained i had the padre sent over to speak with me, after a few minutes he left to send the adjutant to meet me, i gave the adjutant both barrels in his face finally and he stormed out of the jail, as he left the guard room he informed the provost sergeant i was not to be touched, any reasonable demands i made were to be met immediately and he rushed over to RHQ.

now all i did was point out i was a human being before i was a soldier, i am a british constituent in my home town of crewe, and as such that MP belongs to me, i wish to speak with my MP in regards to your unlawful detention of me before i will do anything else, i do not recall if i was released that night, or if i was released first thing in the morning, my charges were not dropped [i had an MP involved so the crime could not be covered up, my MP was a good one, not corrupted, she died under the scalpel in the hospital that sectioned me, weird isn’t it?] but i was instead given ROP’s without any real parades, i turned up in tracksuits or whatever clothing i was comfortable in, i then had a chat with on duty officers and NCO’s about how i had pulled off the greatest display of insanity they had ever seen/heard, i pointed out human beings are the most important thing in human society and everyone should always remember that, strangely the human rights act was made the following year, based upon the 1954 UDHR, so what else may have happened to cause the drafting of the human rights act 1998?

i was due to exit the army december 17th that same year, june just before the camp went on summer leave i was assaulted by another sapper [i had just had an operation and was on crutches, again another display of monkey courage] the courage of this particular soldier is comical, he bottled me from behind in canada back in 1995 and received a punch in the face for his troubles, he swore i bottled him so i learned cowards delude themselves into points of courage which is again comical [seeing as he was attacking me while i needed crutches], again i end up in the med centre but not from his pathetic assault, i report him and bring charges against him, but i know i am also leaving when they are away, as only my troop staff blocked my exit, but i had their signatures because they are so dumb!, the regiment goes on leave and i am held back, the following week members of senior staff held back with me and the guard were all keeping an eye out for the colonel for me, i only required his signature to leave and they again admired my front to put in six months leave as a thirty day entitlement to exit the army, obviously the colonel wanted me out of his camp, so he signed the paperwork and i left the army six months early.

later that year i received a letter from a friend pointing out the soldier who assaulted me was promoted not investigated upon his return, this sealed the armies fate in my eyes, they are worthless scumbags and have no decent place amongst society, fortunately i have matured since then, and i now hold them in contempt, but i do not tar the entire army with these individuals actions.

now any soldiers who have endured a time in the army, can any of you honestly state these occurrence were regular and standard parts of soldiers lives, or would you say i am somewhat of a unique phenomenon like i have stated all along?, my entire life is made up like this, so please i grow weary of people who ignorantly grant me the same position in life they have, every walk of life offers me things i do not consider myself worthy of, i have not earned them in this life so i walk away, i am cautious of those who offer to much, and i am cautious of those who offer something but cannot back up the reasons why.

i hope you can awaken yourselves a little to the difference of a life with a mind like mine and a life with a body like yours, i am not the same as the rest of you, this is because i have purpose in life, i hope when i fulfil that purpose i am afforded the right to die, but i do not know...

and this is a brief account of my career, i could make this a hundred detailed pages and probably more of every event that happened, but i seriously can’t be arsed, mayhaps one day you will read of my biography as i know i have been monitored my entire life birth to present, it is only this year i have managed to unblock my memories of the miraculous things i have done, i did this so i would not develop into a self centred egotistical muppet, my words are not my actions, i hope to demonstrate my actions as greater than my words in the near future, and it is my immortal being waking up that i know has withheld these memories from me.

regards

martin

[mandril]

Thanks for the story martin.

or would you say i am somewhat of a unique phenomenon like i have stated all along?,

"Every man and Every woman is a star".

[bodge]

In my fifteen years I never across a case of bullying of that level you experienced and the engineers who where down the road from us at Waterbeach, Cambs were a decent bunch. I can only say that you got unlucky or maybe you where just too different for them and they dont like people who are different. I came across some arseholes in my time and you will always find them in any walk of life not especially in the army. My lot 1 RRF were a good bunch and we always had an ear for someone who was struggling to cope with the demands of army life, some people just dont have the necessary. I cant imagine why a group of uniformed professionals would behave like that towards you, it certainly wouldnt have happened in my unit. As I said I think you where unlucky enough to find yourself in a unit with poor command, attitudes to professional standards come from the top dog and if he is is an idiot then the pack below him will be idiots.

[Geronimo]

i enjoyed that, there is a lot of unintentional humour in your story which amuses me...

[HEREWARD]

Hi Zarathustra, May I ask why you chose the name. I ask because I have read the book by Neitsch, it's an interesting warning against the power of the state, and the foolishness of allowing too much power in the hands of a few. It's more interesting because of when it was written. Around 1841. A warning from the past to future generations which has been ignored. I would suggest everyone read it, "Thus Spoke Zarathustra" By Freidrich Neitsch.