Me and a friend were in our local town and in the entrance to a market.,chatting away ,when this strange bloke in a suit approached my friend and muttered something about himself being from the council ,quickly flicked out some plastic I.D and muttered "blah blah,against some law ,smoking ,public places,blah blah".If it had of been windy,the little shit would have been blown away!
So i grumble,"so what ?"
Council twit "against some law to smoke in a public place "
Me "against what law?"
Twit "blah blah blah act"
Me " can you quote me the act ?"
Twit "i just did"
Me "who does it apply to?"
Twit "Persons"
Me " do i look like a person?"
Twit" open mouthed with a surprised expression ???????"
Twit now starts talking to my pal and doesn't want me talking
ME to my friend " ignore him ,don't say anything to them,you keep your mouth shut and say nothing"
Twit " don't talk to him ,this is between me and him"
ME "friend ,do you mind me talking on your behalf"
Friend "no, go ahead"
Twit " ????????"
Me" is my friend or am i obliged to understand what you are saying,is my friend or am i obliged to respond to you?"
Twit"???????????"
Cue ,the appearance of a scruffy looking ,tracksuit wearing overweight grunt(supposedly he must be the enforcer luca brasi fall back plan? Well that failed on me ,especially when he looks like he's one more cigarette away from being in a hole in the ground)
Luca now approaches my friend !
Luca shows something and mutters what the first twit muttered to my friend.
Luca" council,blah ,smoke,ban ,,public place,blah ,law"
Me "don't say anything,(this is with me having to physically grab my friend and pull him from some hypnotic spok type trance that he seemed to be locked in with scruffy ,to face and listen to me.Very bizarre it was))
Luca"you're also littering" (so it's a two for one today,bet they we're chuffed to bump up their monthly target with this easy one)
Luca" can i just talk to you (my friend)over here?"
Me "is my friend obliged to go over there ?"
Me "you don't have to move anywhere friend"
My friend falls for luca's charm and says he'll listen to what he has to say (ready the script,court,police,fine,bad for you,criminal ,sky will fall in )
I start to walk with my friend ,luca and the other twit.
Luca " can you stand over there while i talk to him!"
Me " am i obliged to do what you've said? am i obliged to understand what you've said ?"
Luca "????????"
Me " friend,you don't have to do anything they tell you,don't listen to anything!"
My friend then walks back to the entrance to the market and i aswell.
Twit and luca follow
Luca then says something to my friend that actually surprises me !
Luca " can i ask you
some questions (luca actually requests ,not threatens,but asks if he may be permissed/permised ? to do something )Me "don't give him anything or say anything"
Friend "nope!"
Me "lets go!"
Luca and twit " we're going to call the police!"
Twit" you're on camera aswell !"
Me "cue me strike a pose of supposed fear, by covering my face with my hands and crouching down for a second ,then laughing "
Friend" ok i'm going"
Me "ok,lets go"
Luca and twit now follow us and proceed to get on their magic talky device.(A strange black box which emits a human voice from within,oo er.Logic dictates that it must have a very small human inside.)
Me and my friend are walking to the station and i'm calmly telling my friend what will probably happen ,what will be asked and said to him and probably me.We might be locked up for a bit for keeping stum and not giving them our details,but so what,we'll be in a safe place
and then we'll be out .(Basically trying my best to calm him down ,not to worry and give him a few pointers)With luca and twit still following (luca's probably not best pleased to be doing this much walking in order to get someone to accept their offer ,it's not the normal behaviour of sheep ,not normal behaviour at all) Over the magic talky box,i can hear the small human reply "there's no one in the area that can assist"
Me
When we get closer to the station,i see an ice cream van,i mean a policy enforcer ,erm police,erm peace keeper van on the road ahead .
I chuckle to myself (no help today for luca and twit)
Me and my friend walk down into the station,still with our private security staff in tow .We continue along to the ticket barriers with all the ticket inspectors waiting and there's a lot of them and why ,because there's a football match today and what else are there a lot of on footie day ?Yes you guessed it ,policy enforcers
Just when you think you've scored one for common sense,this happens .Sods flaming law!
So ,luca and twit pull one of them while me and my friend are just about to pass through the barriers .
Policy man stops my friend and the usual guff begins again.
Policy man" law,smoking ,act,council blah blah blah"
ME"friend,don't say anything"
So begins the age old "why don't you want to behave as everyone else does ,what's it for etc etc .
So i mention his rights,statutes,their oath yada yada yada .(i know this will fall flat on deaf ears,but you've got to have fun with them)They come out with the same old stuff again,law ,crime .
They then say they will arrest my friend for the crime of not following the other sheeple(there's six individuals at this point four policy men ,one silent twit and one silent luca)for not giving his details,and i fully expected them to say the same to me,but they didn't and i was surprised with that .My friend at this point is visibly scared of the situation that's presented itself now(he's the type of person these grunts pray on,mild mannered,basically a good person ).
I tell my friend again,not to worry,if they do arrest you,you'll be ok,they will let you out as they can't keep you there .So he still doesn't give them his details and they arrest my friend.Read him his rights ,and i'm ready for my follow up to their "do you understand" as they do on cue.But it never came ?They tell me and him what policy stations he might be taken too .So i ask a favour of the policy man.If you do that, can you take him to that specific station (i know,aren't i awful for asking such a thing and all the while not one fcuk word or raised tempers from me and my friend ).
The nice policy man said he "had no say in the matter of where they might take my friend".All the while ,he had a dirty great big bogie staring me in the face .
Again i tell my friend that they can't keep you locked up and you'll be out .But ,cue the scripted threat from the policy man "oh yes we can" OOOHH NO YOU CAN'T
So i take my friends gaming device and the policy man also agrees that i can take my friends phone.Cue policy man number 2(who must have been thinking about his weekly target ,as he was away with the clouds)who asks what i'm doing ?So i restate what the other policy man has just this second stated."the peace officer has agreed that i can take my friends phone"
They stick the cuffs on and start reading from their script again."what's all this about? why don't you just follow what other sheeple do and tell them your details.It's a whole lot of hassle for you you know"
I could have said something along the lines of "you mean, why don't we just bend over and take it like the rest do ?".
So they take my friend to the part of the station where the policy men and women seem to live,(looks like admittance is operated on a friends only policy,and i'm not on their list ,so i'll have to wait out side ).So,while they're standing at their club house doors,they mention that they'll have to search my friend ,incase he has any bombs,explosives,guns,knives or worst of all ,pointy sticks(like aliens,but without the witty lines).
I tell my friend that they just want to check him for everyones safety,nothing to be worried about .So they enter their club house and i wait outside having a chat with the bogey man about how theirs is and never has been common law,statutes are the ONLY LAW ,THE SUPERIOR LAW OF LAWS
commercial courts without juries , how he wouldn't arrest me under common law if i murdered someone ,it would be statute .How on the spot notices are bills that have to be paid and not just a notice like a notice that 's displayed in a cafe, that wants you to wait to be served .They're not the same you know ,the policy man,the same one who can't give legal opinions said so How nothing requires consent ,as it's already been given by voting for government and how "parliament does what the king ,erm i (he) mean queen has commanded. Me and boger man agree to disagree (as it was getting quite comical at this point)and he goes on his merry way .I wait and what seems like a few minutes pass and out pops my friend.He told me that when they searched him,they found his debit card and with that ,my friend thought they would easily find out the rest of his details,so he told them.
I told him that they wouldn't ,maybe if he had documents that are issued by their masters,like passport of driving licence.BUt things happen and it did today.
So, with all the ticket inspects still waiting around,we walked on down the escalators ,bypassed all the ticket enforcers and got on the train.At least we got free travel on the train for my friends trouble.
They never issued my friend with any documents,so it looks like they'll send him an invitation to their club in the post? Twit and luca remained completely silent while business was being carried out in the upstairs station ,so we thank them for behaving like servants .I said to my friend to stick two fingers up at all of this,so sod them and their offer under duress .He doesn't vote ,so he's not on any electoral role and he's due to move soon anyway.
My friend is worried ,and because of the type of person he is,it's understandable.He seems to think ,(because of the cases of council tax non payment and some people getting whisked off to pokey)he might get jailed for not paying these twits,because of it also being an action by the council.
I've tried to put his mind at rest with figures of those people who haven't ever paid these on the spot notices and aren't in jail .But being the lad he is,he wants to go and do something completely stupid
He wants to find out the truth for himself .Good man my son,you're waking up at last!
Stick all his stuff in trust and have done with it.
I just wish it had of been myself that went through this today,just to put their idle threats to the test.Arrr bless em.
